In The God's Hall with Herne

This is a follow up story to ‘The Hiding Place’ and I would recommend reading that one first.

“You took your time, I thought for one moment you weren’t going to make it!”  Herne’s words made Epona scowl as she staggered into the God’s Hall toting her wooden horse behind her.  Giving the wheeled toy a vicious tug to make sure it cleared the door, she turned and gave the door a shove…hardly anything happened.  “You’ll have to be more forceful than that,” said Herne, waving his wine goblet at her.  Looking over her shoulder at the antlered god, Epona gave another angry frown and put her shoulder to the door.  Her shoulder, still sore from pulling the wheeled wooden horse for a century or two, made even more burdensome by the surprising weight of the old crone’s soul sitting side saddle upon it, finally got the door to move, albeit slowly.  The loud and hollow click signalled Epona’s success in shutting the door, closing out the misty white nothingness of Between.  Giving the wooden horse a spiteful kick in passing, Epona crossed the Hall and slumped exhaustedly down on a couch opposite Herne.  She reached over to the side table and picked up an earthen ware jug, giving it a deep sniff, “Ugh!  Wine.  Isn’t there any beer?”  Herne threw back his head and laughed, causing his antlers to slide awry to the side of his crown, and between chuckles replied, “You’re in The God’s Hall now girly, only the best wine for us.”

Sighing, Epona poured herself a goblet of wine and looked around.  She had of course heard of The God’s Hall, but had never been here before.  She had been a working Goddess, Earth-bound where she was needed to find suitable mounts for new souls. 

The Hall was white, even the couches they sat upon were white, the side table was white, the walls, ceiling and floor was white.  Epona wondered if they were perhaps in the middle of re-decorating and had just got as far as the base coat.  “It’s very white, isn’t it?” She remarked to Herne, who was pre-occupied with straightening out his antlers.  “Mmm?  White?  Yes I suppose it is, what did you expect?”  Herne asked, giving up on his wayward antlers and placing them on the table in front of him.  Epona shrugged, and replied, “I’m not sure really, something with a bit more imagination at least.”  "We’re God and Goddesses, we’re not supposed to be imaginative, we’re supposed to be Powerful!”   Herne’s last word, extremely loud and causing echoes around the Hall, made Epona clasp her hands over her ears.  “I hope there is not too much God-like shouting going on in here, not unless there’s a never ending supply of Aspirin.”  Epona moaned.  This made Herne chuckle once more, loudly.  He calmed down enough to tell Epona,  “Well girly, I’ll try to be quiet, if you try to pull your face straight, not even old Thor could have given such thunderous looks, and he was gooood!”  

Epona stared at Herne for a moment, her head held on one side and her eyes narrowed.  Eventually she said, “ Where are they then?”  Herne gave a perplexed look and answered, “Where are who?”  Epona waved her arms, encompassing the Hall, a drop of wine jumped from her goblet, tutting she put the goblet back on the table, spat on her finger and tried to wipe it off. Glancing up she saw that Herne was still waiting for her reply, “All the Gods and Goddess.  I haven’t noticed any other doors except for the one I came in, there’s just you and me here, so, where are they?”  She bunched up the hem of her tunic and started to scrub at the offending wine spot.  She stopped when she realised that Herne was being a little too quiet.  Following Herne’s stare to the top of her exposed legs, the very top, she tugged her tunic back down and sighed in exasperation, “If you ask me why I’m not wearing drawers I swear I’ll bounce thunder bolts off the wall.”  She growled.  “No, no, nothing of the sort…….erm you were saying my dear, my sweetling, my precious” said Herne all dewy eyed and loose lipped enough to drool. 

As Herne prepared to stand up to join her on her couch, Epona held both hands palms up to forestall him, “Stay exactly where you are buster!” She exclaimed.  She had heard but two things about the great and ancient forest God Herne, one he was always naked, and two he was a lusty lad who never hid his feelings, (mainly due to his nakedness,) at the moment his lower torso section was hidden from her view by the table and large wine jug, and she wished for it to remain so.  “The other Gods, where are they?” she shouted at him.  A look of disappointment crossed Herne’s face as he brought his mind from its southerly preoccupation to a higher level. “Oh them,” he answered sulkily, “They’re gone, well most of them anyway.”  “Where?”  asked Epona, but she could feel the first tendrils of panic, Gods did not just go, some of them were permanently based in the Hall, they couldn’t leave.  “Sign of the times girly, you know, technology and all that.” Said Herne waving his hand in a circle, as if that gave the full explanation.  “No,” replied Epona, she was beginning to feel more than a little fed up with this decrepit old sex god’s attitude, “I don’t know…..where’s your wife, The Earth Mother.”  Now Epona was really worried, she’d rather taken to the Earth Mother the couple of times she had come across her, she was a, well, a motherly type of woman, easy to get along with, plus she baked the most wonderful cakes.  “Oh her,” said Herne dismissively, “She was one of the first to go.”  Epona had had enough, leaning over the table that separated them, and not caring a wit about what she might or might not see, she put her face close to Herne’s and yelled with all her might, “Gone where?! You moronically horned nitwit.”

Herne pulled back from her vocal assault, and looking somewhat hurt by her words replied, “Evaporated, I told you, or at least tried to tell you, it’s a sign of the times, people don’t believe in Gods anymore, and if there are no believers then there is no point in our existence…..unless of course you can find a new outlet, a different set of believers.”  Something about what Herne had just said triggered a memory in Epona,  “You mean like the Goddess Rhiannon?”  She asked.   “Yes indeed, exactly like her,” replied Herne nodding sagely, “For some reason,” and here Herne gave her a hard stare, “The supply of mounted souls for her to lead to their afterlife had dried up, leaving her nothing to do, as you know souls trapped on earth are a chatty, gossipy lot and they got in contact with the living to complain.  Well, hardly surprising that Rhiannon’s followers lost all confidence in her, and then their belief.  But she was always the clever one that Rhiannon, she found her new outlet for Goddessing fairly promptly and became Lady Luck, her new followers constantly call her name in a vast and holy place for gamblers called Vegas, she’s busy 24/7.”

Epona took a moment to think about this, then frowning asked, “How come we are still here?  Why haven’t we ‘evaporated?”  “Ah!”  Herne exclaimed, and went on to explain, “We are all given a chance to re-locate our talents, some manage it, some unfortunately, for whatever reason, usually self-importance and arrogance, don’t.  My own wife, for example, could have gone into the patron sainting business, after all mid-wives will always be around and they too have a right to call upon someone in times of stress, but no, she felt it would be a de-motion and hence, poof!”  “Poof!?” Exclaimed Epona, somewhat shocked at Herne’s attitude toward his wife.  She looked at him for a moment or two before asking, “Why haven’t you gone poof?  Why haven’t I for that matter?”  “Because,” said Herne, slowly as if talking to a dim witted child, “ I have already chosen a new vocation with the Greens, sometimes known as Tree huggers, and you have a little time yet to choose, or not.”  Herne rose to his feet, and after stretching his legs made toward the door, the clicking of his cloven stag hoofs on the marbled floor came to a stop when Epona called to him, “No, Herne, don’t leave, not just yet, please, I don’t know what to do, where to look for a new vocation, please stay and help me.”   Without turning Herne replied to her pleas, “Listen girly, just listen and you will hear them, those who call but as yet have received no answer, but be careful who you choose, not all will suit your talents, believe me it is far better to go poof then to be cursed by those you promise, but fail, to do Goddessing for.  Time for me to go, I really hope we shall meet again, you’re a pretty little thing, quite a delight in fact, and I am in the market for a new spouse.” When Epona looked up again through her tears Herne was gone.

Herne had said ‘Listen,’ so she opened her super goddess ears and did.  The noise of a multitude of sobbing, whining voices hit her like a tidal wave.  “Shut up, one at a time,”  she yelled, clamping her hands over her ears.  She sat in stunned silence as one by one the lost, lonely and desperate put forward their petitions for her assistance in their miserable lives.  After what seemed like a millennium she honestly began to feel that going poof was the better option.  She was about to take a deep breath and face her oblivion with courage when a single, child’s voice reached her ears.  It wasn’t whiney, it wasn’t a selfish plea for advancement or riches, it was full of pride and love, full of the need to understand, it simply said, “Please help me understand why she’s like this, I love her so much, and she must be so unhappy to behave like that, please let me know what I can do to make her happy.”

Epona used her far-seeing eye to investigate the child’s problem and found a little girl curled up in bed.  Epona could feel, through her, the bruises and bites on her back and hands, and the love she still felt for her abuser.  Epona searched the child’s mind for the abuser and found a familiar life force.  A pony.  Epona let her mind drift to the pony that was so beloved by the child.  The animal responded to her gentle probing’s of its mind.  With joy Epona realised that the equine species had not forgotten her, and this animal let her feel for injury.  The pony had a sore back from an ill fitting saddle.  It was as simple as that.  Epona then returned to the child’s mind and gave her inspiration.

Epona found herself surrounded by the minds of horses, great and small, and their owners, also great and small.  Epona had come home.